Home Again
by WandadnaW
Summary: Episode Tag for the Second Season Episode “Return of the Phantom”


**Home Again**  
Episode Tag for the Second Season Episode "Return of the Phantom"

He slowly walked down the spiral staircase as quietly as his weakened condition would allow. At the bottom of the staircase, he paused, first to gaze toward the observation windows, pondering the beauty of the sea and the magnificence of the windows that allowed the incredible view, and then to take in the view of the control room and the men on duty. He had feared that he would never see either again.

Feeling dizzy, he reached out to steady himself against the staircase. He closed his eyes and rested from the exertion brought on by his short trip from Sickbay. A smile touched the corner of his mouth as he thought of how Chip would call it his escape. Yes, he had escaped Sickbay but he had to – he had to feel her again, to touch her, to do more than just feel her around him. He felt as if he had been away forever – no, he had feared that he would be away forever, never to return. He reveled in the feel of the cold steel of the staircase against his left hand.

His breath caught as he thought of her, the feel of her, her sway and motion, her sound as she moved through the water and the sounds of her function and her elements. He sighed, and, sensing that he was ready, he opened his eyes, glanced around the control room again and carefully released his hold on the staircase. Finding his equilibrium sufficiently restored, at least for the moment, he began to slowly move toward the Herculite windows, right arm pressed against his abdomen, feeling the tightly wrapped bandages beneath the robe and scrubs that he wore.

He had not seen the view when the Admiral had brought him back to the Seaview and, after being trapped in Sickbay for what seemed so long, he had not felt as if he had actually returned. He just needed a little time to know that he was back – he just wanted a little time to be with her.

When he had first awakened in Sickbay, the Admiral, Chip, and Jamie urging him to open his eyes, he had been confused and scared, the memories assaulting him at once. The memory of the pain as the bullet entered his body – he had no memory of the sound of the bullet being fired – Chip shouting, looking up to see the Admiral holding the gun as his own right hand moved to the burning pain in his abdomen where the bullet had entered, and then the sounds of the chaos that ensued as he fell over the railing of the periscope island as some of the men on duty rushed to him while others subdued the Admiral. Laying there, things had seemed to fade around him but the urging of his friends made him try to open his eyes as he began to remember how he had felt as the coldness that was Krueger had assaulted him as Krueger had entered his body – he remembered how he had tried to scream and to fight, feeling as if he were being forced in some cold, barren cell and hearing the voice of the Admiral yelling something about Krueger in the background – it had seemed so unreal, yet it had happened. Things had momentarily dimmed as he had tried to escape the unwanted memories – no, he would not flee into the darkness of his mind: he had to fight for his life, for control of his life, his body, his mind – he had to fight for her. Finally, he had managed to open his eyes to take in the welcome sight of the faces of his friends, his family. Yes, it was real and even Sickbay was a welcome sight. He had taken as deep a breath as his bandages would allow, feeling their welcome touch – then, he had felt her vibration and her gentle rocking. At first he could not seem to understand what they were saying as he remembered the sensation of being tightly pressed against the wall of the cell that Krueger had created within his own body – within his own mind - unable to control anything but seeing everything, hearing everything, and feeling everything. How he had wished that the memories would stop – he wanted to erase them – he felt so violated. As he lay there feeling weak and vulnerable, he had started to shake. Still unable to speak, his eyes had met the eyes of the Admiral. As the Admiral's eyes held his, he felt more grounded and the voices and sounds around him became more focused. As a single tear had left his right eye and slowly rolled down his cheek, the Admiral, sensing his friend's need, had gently taken Lee's right hand, holding it within both of his hands and had said, "You're safe, Lee. Krueger is gone and he cannot return." The Admiral had paused, watching his injured friend, willing him to know that he was safe and protected. Then, feeling the shaking within the hand that he held begin to subside, the Admiral gently continued, "We will not let you go. You are home." Somehow, that had been enough to calm his fears and to help him to stop the flow of memories so that he could rest.

After that, he had not been alone once, either Chip or the Admiral had been by his side with Jamie always nearby as well and he began to feel safe and protected. He knew that they wanted him to talk with them, to let them know what he felt and what had happened, but he could not. He had to deal with this on his own. Instead, he had focused on regaining his strength so that he could feel that he was back, so that he could see her and touch her. She would make him whole once again – he lived for her and her for him.

Finally, he had found his one unguarded moment and had taken it, leaving his bunk in Sickbay and slowly making his way to the Control Room. Now, looking out the massive windows, feeling their coolness, feeling her vibrations within him - through him - and her sounds in his ears, he knew that he was home. Home - Seaview was his home and now he was safe within her once again.

At that realization, his world seemed to tilt but strong arms were around him, supporting him. He opened his eyes to meet the deep blue eyes of his friend, his mentor, his father of the heart.

"Jamie is not going to be happy with you, Son," he said as he gently guided the injured man toward a nearby chair.

"I know but I had to get out of there if just for a short while. I had to …", he paused, closing his eyes against the dizziness and the pain that now radiated within his abdomen. He knew that this had cost him but the reward, the feeling of her around him and through him, had been worth it. "I had to be here to," he opened his eyes as he finished, meeting the other man's blue eyes and knowing that this man would understand his need, "feel her and to know that I am home."

"You're home, Son. She knows it too. Now you need to rest. She needs you to be well and whole." The Admiral moved his hand to the younger man's shoulder. "Can you make it back to Sickbay if you lean on me or should I call Jamie?"

"No, I can make it," he said with determination, "besides, I am not up to fighting with Jamie right now." The hazel eyes registered the momentary doubt in the older man's blue eyes but felt the strong support as the man helped him to his feet. Gaining his balance against a wave of dizziness and momentary pain and leaning heavily on his friend as he eased out of the chair, they began to move slowly along the windows toward the spiral staircase. They paused as the younger man's hand rested on the window, "I'm home," he said. "I'm home."


End file.
